I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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