Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
