this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
