at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
