where am i from again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
