Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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