Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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