i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
