soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
