no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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