If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
