She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
