haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
