My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
