Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
