so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
