Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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