Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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