Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
