just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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