guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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