What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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