And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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