the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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