GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
