I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
