i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
