FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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