ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
