We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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