can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
