yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
