WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
