what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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