white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This gyro tastes like lonliness
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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