We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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