The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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