sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
