Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
