So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
