You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
