She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
