how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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