As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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