I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
