but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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