i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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