you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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