Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
