I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize