I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
