I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
