I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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