Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
