3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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