I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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