I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
