if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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