there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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