Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
