i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
