VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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