You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
