so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
