i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize