I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
