Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
