the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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