When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
