saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
