The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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