I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
