Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
do nipples grow back?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
