Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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