I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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