Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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