Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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