I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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