Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
