Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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