Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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