i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
