hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
