Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
